I am JPR, and we are FSHS Group: a non-profit, non-revenue collective that provides advocacy and support to whistleblowers and other vulnerable parties navigating institutional misconduct.

Figure 0: To us at FSHS Group, “Success” always begins with a solid, rigorous foundation—unlike certain institutions (you know who you are).

Who is JPR?

This is a difficult question; its a lot easier to say what he definitely is not:

  • ashamed of the gospel

  • a lawyer

  • confused

  • illiterate

  • intimidated (like, at all)

  • afraid (of clowns, lizards, etc.)

  • eager to de-escalate

  • a judicial LARPer

  • afraid of confrontation

  • able to walk and chew bubblegum

  • worried (no, really)

  • bad with words

  • slow on the uptake

  • likely to spare your feelings

  • unhinged (seriously)

  • short on sarcasm

  • a “nice” guy

  • risk-averse

  • happy to “let it go”

  • unclear on the facts

  • short on receipts

  • out of his depth

  • comic relief (theirs)

  • going to back down

  • bad at math

  • allergic to questions

  • polite (not always)

  • scared of his own shadow

  • desperate to be liked

Investing

If you desire to see this work sharpened, scaled, and set to fuller effect, you may invest in the expansion and efficacy of FSHS Group by using the link below.

Exhibits in Cartoon

Figure 1: A cheerful OUC moments after unanimously agreeing that the CCC matter is “fully under control” and requires only minimal additional meetings.

Video

Figure 2: Confidential debrief; counsel reviews the department’s recent handling of a graduate file and offers guidance on avoiding similar issues in future.

Figure 3: “Kindly sss-tep aside, counsel. The sssss-upervisorss will handle thisss,” they say—cold-blooded, eyes-dimmed, and armed with exactly zero understanding of the law; O boy! but they do put on quite a show!

Figure 4: Fresh off the news that their latest self-impalement “maneuver” was a resounding success, the CCC reconvenes to personally chauffeur the institution over the edge:CCC: “C’mon pile in! We’re driving this thing off a cliff!”Eddie: “But isn’t DFRR… the other way?”CCC: “Relax, Eddie. We are the department.”

Figure 5:  A Jingle For Jenny, OUC, CCC
Young Jen now knows this one is not so small
And so she pulls a book from off the “Wall”,
To learn about “the ethics” line by line
And sings, “it’s all okay, it’s all just fine.”

Figure 6:   The renowned John Cretu, seen here perfecting his seal noises for another routine "Bark-Deny-Defy" maneuver. Illiterate? certainly--this is a feature, not a bug. Lo! When the siren sounds for last-minute sabotage, he will be there to bellow on-cue.

Figure 7: On the eve of the bicentennial departmental audit, Coonrad Stööber dutifully records his “results”—by golly, say what ye will about honesty, this man is nothing if not both meticulous and efficient.

Figure 8: Meet “Doctor” Boris Walrus! What he lacks in cleverness, he makes up for in.... err—can you really blame him, though? Bless his heart, he’s trying his best.

Figure 9: With mounting demands that he appease the mob of angry clowns, JPR is seen here bending space-time in his eager search for even a single toy-truck to give.

Figure 10: After being publicly insulted, and with their feelings squarely in the “hurt” column, Coonrad, Boris, and Eddie send their pal Mitch to appeal to JPR’s better judgment.

Figure 11. From deep within the war room at C.O.C./DFRR Unambiguous Brotherhood of Clowns (CA), the Lizard League engages DEFCON FIG-06

Figure 12: Having sent Mitch back to the Clown Posse with only his tail between his legs, JPR returns to business as usual.

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